Genesis. For Jakob, Avi, Athena, and Samantha who passed too soon.
My femininity is killing me

I just want to find someone who doesn’t feel like they have to touch me to know me. I am not the curves of my waist or how soft my skin feels. I am the faint scarring left on my wrist and dimples that took years of laughing and crying to develop. 

I want someone who will look into the depths of my soul and see that despite all of my flaws, I am staying afloat. That I am not an anchor. That I’m a goddamned ship that will make it to shore someday. 

I don’t always know what I need but I know what I want. I’m in such an incredible place right now and I can’t help but want someone to share that with every night for the rest of my life. 

Imagine meeting someone who looked into the most unchartered parts of you and chose to stay. I’m ready for vulnerability. I’m ready to cry again, I’m ready to laugh again, happiness and madness - I want it all. 


the best bbq ribs.

I’m like putty in his hands. 
But I can’t help it. 
I like the way we smoke cigarettes at 2 in the morning 
and the way he studies things when he finds out that I like them. 
I like the way his eyes light up when I talk about things like 
politics and Sophia Coppola. 
And maybe I want someone that advocates for porn stars as feminists
And maybe he knows that I don’t need anyone at all 
But I like how strong his hands are 
And I like that he doesn’t feel the insecure need to figure me out
because he knows he already has. 
He’ll call at 4 in the morning because he knows I’m still awake 
He’ll send me trailers for my favourite movies 
Even if I haven’t seen them yet. 
We are hundreds of miles away 
And that one drunken night three years ago has still left us
resisting the urge to lose control. 
This is not a chase, no one is begging the other to stay 
Maybe I just love his vocabulary. 
And it isn’t even about the way that he smiles or tousles his hair or any of the things that all of those girls kill for
I’m like putty in his hands. 
I’m so attracted to his thoughts.